


What Secrets We May Hold

by Kitty514



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Trans Character, Trans!Newt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-09 23:27:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8917303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kitty514/pseuds/Kitty514
Summary: Newt reveals a secret to Credence that he's kept close to himself, letting someone in more than he has in years.





	

“You’re hurt.”

Newt blinks, thrown out of the trance he’s been in while feeding some of the mooncalves. He glances over his shoulder at Credence, who’s wearing a distressed expression on his face that’s mirrored in the slouch of his shoulders. Newt can feel the sting of the cut running across part of his back. He’d had an unfortunate run-in with one of the graphorns while trying to feed it a few minutes earlier. 

“I’ll be alright.” Newt responds, brushing his hands on his trousers. His shirt sticks to his back, letting him know that it’s been bleeding a bit more than he cares to admit. “Nothing a little rubbing alcohol and a bandage won’t fix.” 

“I can help.” Credence responds. “I’ve been reading that medical book you gave me.” 

Newt hesitates, slightly overwhelmed by Credence’s eagerness to help him. “I would love for you to, but I think I can handle a little cut on my own.” 

Credence furrows his brow at ‘little.’ Newt shrugs like it’s no big deal. This isn’t the first time he’s been injured by the creatures, and it won’t be the last. He’s learned to take care of himself over the years. He says as much to Credence. 

Credence follows Newt into a small shed nearby, and Newt doesn’t attempt to argue with him anymore. Newt pulls out a first-aid kit he’d stashed there a while back, and sits down on a stool. Credence takes the kit when Newt offers it to him, caving in to Credence’s well-intended worry. Newt runs a hand over his back, wincing as the cut starts to sting. His hand comes away with dried and fresh blood alike. 

Newt sighs and unbuttons his shirt. He hesitates briefly before pulling it off. 

Credence eyes the bandages wrapped around Newt’s chest. “Were you already hurt?” He asks. 

Newt tries to smile, probably grimaces instead. “No. It’s- I-” It’s been so long since he’s explained it to anyone, so he pulls the bandages off swiftly, some of it covered in blood and torn up. He allows Credence long enough to glance at his chest before he covers it with his shirt, holding it in front of his torso like a curtain. “I wasn’t born in a man’s body.” 

“Oh.” Credence says simply, his face not giving away how he’s feeling. He pulls a stool up behind Newt and sets to cleaning the wound on his back. 

Newt winces at the sting of the alcohol on his cut. The silence is burning into him, and he wants nothing more than to take back what he’s said and done. Memories of trying to get his family to understand what he was going through when he was younger surface, biting him and causing him more pain than he’s already in. They made him feel like no one would ever fully accept him for who he was, and that feeling’s never truly left him. 

“Do they hurt?” Credence asks quietly, startling Newt out of his thoughts. “The bindings.” 

Newt sucks in a breath as Credence wipes off the alcohol and blood with a cloth. “Sometimes. I’ve broken a couple of ribs over the years. But they heal, thankfully.” 

Credence presses the cloth into the cut. “Mr. Scamander, that can’t be healthy.” 

Newt stares ahead, feeling his throat closing up. To keep being referred to as ‘mister’ even after what he’d shown and told Credence wasn’t something he expected. Nobody else had really ever granted him that luxury. 

“Surely there must be a better alternative.” Credence carries on, unaware of Newt’s reaction. “A spell you can use, maybe.” 

“Unfortunately, no.” Newt manages to say. “I don’t actively seek out to hurt myself, you know. I do it because I don’t feel right without a flat chest. And you can at least call me Newt, after all that I’ve just revealed to you.” 

Credence wraps a bandage around Newt’s midsection, going beneath the shirt Newt’s holding, covering his cut. “If you really want me to.” He sounds unsure about being on a first-name basis between them. He’s quiet a moment longer, long enough for Newt to turn around on the stool and see him contemplating something. 

“What is it?” Newt asks, still clutching the shirt to his chest, anxiety brewing in his stomach. 

Credence looks him in the eye, then looks away. A stray strand of hair falls in front of his face, grown out from not cutting it for almost five months now. Newt is astounded at how long they’ve been traveling together now, trying to complete the rest of Newt’s book. And no news of Grindelwald so far, much to their relief. 

They’d found the real Graves a couple weeks after Newt found Credence back at his foster mother’s house. Credence had made his peace with the man, but Newt knew the two men would never be friends, just people who’d met to reconcile the pain they’d gone through under the hands of Grindelwald. It wasn’t a relationship meant to last longer than a couple of meetings. 

Now, staring at Credence thinking through whatever it was he had on his mind, Newt is glad about that. He can’t think of being here without Credence at almost every step of the way. Life seems easier now, with someone else around to help out and keep him company. 

“Surely, there must be a safer way to use the bindings.” Credence blurts out. His face immediately turns red at the unintended loudness of his voice. 

Newt finds himself laughing. “I’m afraid not. But please don’t worry about it.” He laughs again softly when Credence starts listing off all the ways his health could be affected, but the laugh suddenly turns into a sob, surprising him as much as Credence. 

Credence lifts his hands as he stops talking, looking at a loss as to what to do or say. He must think he caused Newt to start crying. 

“May I hug you?” Newt asks before another sob escapes him. 

Credence nods, eyes wide. Newt wraps one arm around Credence’s neck, pulling him in close. Newt rests his head on Credence’s shoulder. Credence still hasn’t moved, his hands still in the air. Newt feels his frustrations and anger at everything roll down his cheeks hot and wet. He doesn’t have the willpower to stop himself from crying. 

Credence finally wraps his arms around Newt, warm and comforting. 

“Thank you, Credence.” Newt mutters into the fabric of Credence’s shirt. 

“You’re welcome.” Credence says. “I didn’t want you to bleed.” 

“That’s not what I meant. Though, I guess I do owe you a thanks for that, as well.” Newt smiles softly, head still resting on Credence’s shoulder. “Almost every person I’ve revealed my secret to has turned against me. They don’t see me the same, tell me I’m an abomination or just leave me.” His smile falters, falls off his face. “That’s why I stopped telling people. Why I didn’t want you to help me with the cut.” 

“Oh.” Credence says, but this time it’s more sad than a realization. “Why would people care about something like that?” 

Newt gives Credence a little squeeze before pulling back and turning around to shrug his shirt back on. “People don’t understand it, why I don’t want to live as a woman.” He frowns as he buttons his shirt up. He wipes at his eyes and cheeks, catching fallen tears. 

Credence hands the first-aid kit back to Newt to put up. “No one wants to live a life where they’re unhappy all the time.” 

Newt puts the kit on an empty area of shelving. He gives Credence a small smile. “No, no one wants that.” 

Credence nods, a look of determination crossing his face. “Neither of us should be unhappy again. We should live how we want, without worrying about other people deeming us as less than them.” 

Yes, Newt’s glad Credence is here with him. 

*** 

It’s an easy swing back into normality between Newt and Credence. Newt had forgotten how nice it could be to not have to keep such a secret from another person, especially one he’s living and traveling with. The last person he’d felt this comfortable with was Leta, and he hadn’t talked to her in a long, long time. 

Credence, for his part, makes it a goal of his to make sure Newt doesn’t hurt himself while binding. One day, he brings in a piece of cloth and shows it to Newt without a word, standing in the doorway of Newt’s workshop. Newt is confused until he realizes what’s being held in front of him. He feels his heart ache at Credence’s gesture. 

“I made it myself out of spare cloth I found lying around. I used to sew things for my mother and sisters.” Credence says, looking down at the ground. “I hope you don’t mind.” 

Newt takes the makeshift binder when Credence hands it over, and runs his hands over it. He strips off his shirt and bandages on the way to the bathroom, pulling on Credence’s creation in front of the mirror. It fits snugly, compressing his breasts to a barely-there bump. When he puts his shirt back on, it gives the illusion of a flat chest. And, amazingly, it’s far more comfortable than the bandages he’s been using for years. He can take in a full breath without any trouble. 

“Credence.” Newt calls out the bathroom door. Credence is there in a flash, a blush painting his face. “This is wonderful. I love it.” 

A smile tugs at the corners of Credence’s lips. “Really?” 

“Yes, really.” Newt grabs Credence’s hand lightly. “Thank you.” 

Credence stares at their hands, his blush deepening. “You’re welcome.” 

Newt wears the binder every day after that, ditching the bandages, much to Credence’s relief. Newt finds that not being in pain so much takes his mind off his body more often, quelling the dark thoughts that creep up on him in quiet moments. He tells Credence as much, and Credence smiles brighter than he ever has before. 

Their relationship grows closer over the next few weeks. Credence stops skirting around Newt as often, allowing himself to stand closer to Newt and talk more freely. Credence still has his low moments, along with Newt, but they’ve started coming to each other in those times. 

It becomes something neither of them wants to give up, running so deeply and dependently between them. They understand one another more than they would’ve guessed when they’d first began traveling together. They spend most of their free time together, in companionable silence that falls in between short bursts of conversation. 

Newt finds himself thinking about Credence whenever they’re apart, even when he knows Credence is but a habitat away within the suitcase. It makes his chest feel tight and his head ache in a way that’s intoxicatingly sweet and painful at the same time. He knows he shouldn’t allow himself to be so attached to Credence, but can’t seem to make himself take a step back. 

Newt looks up one day to see Credence feeding the mooncalves, tutting at them when they crowd too closely, and Newt knows he’s far gone. He should’ve stopped himself from falling because now he’s hit the bottom. 

*** 

Newt winces, then groans as the train hits a rough patch of tracks. He’s lying on the bottom bunk bed in his and Credence’s shared room, lounging with only trousers and a worn-in shirt on. He’d abandoned his binder an hour ago, comfortable enough around Credence now to not care. He feels freer now that he’s had in years, no creeping thoughts of inadequacy lurking in his head at the moment. 

Credence is sitting on the other side of the tiny room at a tiny desk, reading a book quietly. Newt thinks it’s the textbook he gave him about potions, to help Credence along with his magic education. Newt had gone and gotten Credence a wand a couple months ago so that he could start teaching Credence different spells. So far, it’d been going well, though there had been a couple of mishaps that almost ended in injury. 

Credence looks up from his book with a furrowed brow when Newt winces again at another rough patch. Newt waves him off, placing his manuscript on the floor next to him and burrowing under the covers. 

“It’s that time of the month.” Newt mumbles. 

Credence lets out a small noise of understanding. He closes his book and stands up, wobbling a bit with the train. “I can go to the dining cart and get you some water.” 

“No, I’ll be fine.” Newt shifts over in the bed, studying Credence’s face, his dark eyes made darker in the dim light of the room. “But… you could come over here and help keep me warm. It’s terribly cold in here.” 

Credence glances out the small window, at the snow-covered landscape rushing by outside. He shivers as if involuntarily. “Are you sure?” He takes a half-step towards Newt, then stops. 

“Yes.” 

Credence finally crosses the small distance, sitting down on the bed next to Newt stiffly. Newt sighs quietly, curling in on himself a bit. Credence eventually lays down on his back, shoulder-to-chest with Newt on the narrow bed, staring up at the bunk bed above them. 

“What will you do when you’ve finished the book?” Credence asks. 

“Keep searching.” Newt answers. 

Credence turns his head to look at Newt, then looks back up at the bunk bed again. “For more creatures?” 

“Yes. I’m sure I’ve only found a small portion of them on my journeys.” 

“Will you take me with you?” 

“Of course, if you’ll allow me. I wouldn’t have anyone else by my side.” 

Credence turns his head back to look at Newt once more, but doesn’t look away this time. “I’m dangerous sometimes. Because of the obscurus. I might hurt you one day.” 

“I know you’re powerful.” Newt keeps Credence’s gaze. “But you’ve never hurt me or my creatures, not yet. I trust you.” 

A flash of emotion crosses Credence’s face. “You’re an amazing man, Newt.” His face turns slightly pink but he kept talking. “Dare I say ‘fantastic’?” A corner of his mouth lifts at the joke, something that rarely ever happens. 

Newt finds himself smiling. “Now that’s all I’ll think about when I’m working on my book.” 

“In a good way?” 

Newt reaches out and runs his fingers over Credence’s cheek lightly. “In a good way.” 

“Newt?” 

Newt shuts his eyes and hums in response. 

“I… want to kiss you.” 

Newt opens his eyes. He shifts forward, placing a chaste kiss to Credence's lips.

Credence doesn’t push the kiss further. He waits for Newt to deepen the kiss, mouths warm against one another. Credence shifts onto his side, and grips Newt’s hip with one hand and lets his other hand rest in the middle of Newt’s chest, close to his quickened heartbeat. Newt rests a hand on Credence’s neck, feeling the fluttering pulse under his skin. 

Credence pulls back, his eyes flicking across Newt’s face. But it’s not probing, only curious and tender. Newt smiles. Credence smiles back. 

“I love you.” Newt whispers, words easy and almost tangible as they leave his mouth. 

Credence sucks in a breath, eyes widening. Then his face softens, his eyes fluttering closed. “I love you, too.” 

They settle in the bed, cuddled together for warmth and just to feel each other’s bodies and breath. It’s a comfort Newt hasn’t been granted in years, and he thinks it must be the same for Credence. Newt breaths in deeply, the scent of Credence’s skin flooding his senses, wrapping him up in a haze. Credence wraps his arms around Newt, completing the embrace, and stopping Newt from thinking about anything else. 

It’s a nice place to be. 

**Author's Note:**

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